i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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