I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
