Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
