i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Randomize
