Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
