i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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