Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize