We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
