i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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