my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
he thought i was a dude.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
is that a dick in a sweater?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
