are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
