my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
