I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
The uberlube is also flammable
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
