One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
