If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
