next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
