i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
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