i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize