so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
