Sponge bath it is.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize