put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
