the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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