He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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