Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
There are leaves in my underwear?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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