the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
