the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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