drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
