Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'm getting married
To pizza
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
