Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
