So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
