how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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