cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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