Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
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