She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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