He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
