On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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