oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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