Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize