She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
