I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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