party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
