She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
my being single is dangerous.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
