There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
