Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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