Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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