I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
