mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize