and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
