And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
they're like a gay fantastic four
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
