Your tits are I can't wait for
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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