he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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