I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
