Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
