I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
