All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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