He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
