well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
He did a backflip because drugs
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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