I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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