I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Boobs speak an international language.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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