Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
