Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
