Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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