Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
