Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Having a random hookup so left but love u
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize