My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
