Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
