Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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