last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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