So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
