I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
